When I work with teams, I often observe a team meeting (sometimes facilitating but often observing and giving feedback afterwards – I’m like the fly on the wall!)
My role is to ‘make the unspoken spoken’ and help the team see the patterns of behaviour that are working or not working for them. They sometimes know, on some level or other, but don’t quite know how to change things. And sometimes they’re completely oblivious or just accepting of things because ‘it’s always been like that’.
We can all learn to tune our antennae and notice much more than we do now – which means we can start to change things.
Here’s an experiment to help you make a start.
It’s best done in a small meeting that you are not chairing. Ideally it would be a meeting that you attend regularly.
Your role in this meeting is to watch and observe AND as we coaches like to say a lot… ‘to be curious without judgement’...
'I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me' (Bronnie Ware, the Top Five Regrets of the Dying)
Whatever else is going on around us, we almost always have choices. We can choose how to think about things, choose what to believe, choose what to do.
We can choose to say something or to say nothing.
We can choose whether to do what we've always done or do something different.
So, the man I spoke to recently who said he 'had no choice' but to stay in his 'toxic organisation' because he had to pay the mortgage was unable to see he had choices.
That made me sad and it would be easy for me to collude with his powerlessness.
But not very empowering.
The problem is he was operating in survival mode - which is never a good place to do our best thinking and it’s hard to see choices when we’re overwhelmed with cortisol. (Apart from the choice to fight or flee).
Seeing things in either/or thinking ('I can stay or I can walk out the...
Yesterday started well when I woke up to this personal message:
Two important points:
One - Appreciation is gold and we don’t do enough of it.
It certainly made my heart sing.
Two - I’m doing what I was put on this earth to do – helping leaders believe in themselves so they can follow their heart, stop procrastinating – and do what they were put on this earth to do too.
We can all make a positive difference in this world.
I hope you are living your best life and making the difference you truly want to make.
The world needs all of us to step up right now.
As you know I run paid coaching and leadership programmes. You may not know that I also provide a huge amount of free resources to my community of leaders and managers.
You’ll find most of these resources in my members’ only Facebook Group The Effortless Leader Revolution.
Resources on time management, beating overwhelm and everything that helps you with all of that. (My Beat Overwhelm in 20 minutes a day checklist has been particularly popular!)
Resources on managing your boundaries, on motivation and impostor syndrome
Resources on confidence and leading in times of uncertainty.
I’m adding new materials every week.
I’ve got over 1500 inspiring people in the community and growing.
If you’re a leader or manager and you’d like to join us you’d be most welcome.
Here’s that link again.
I allow no spamming or self promotion in the group. I set it up as a confidential place for managers and leaders to ask questions, share ideas and support...
Do you keep telling yourself ‘the time’s not right?’
‘I’m too busy’
‘Things are too uncertain’
‘I’ll get round to it when……’
If you didn’t sign up for my Lead with Confidence in Challenging Times programme back in May there might be a good reason.
I get it.
It’s not for everyone
I’m not for everyone.
That’s as it should be.
The first group have nearly completed the programme now and every single one of the group has made big steps.
Like Shona Drummond who says:
‘As a result of working with Lynn on this programme, I have been given a 3 month project to lead on which is at a more senior level to mine AND I’m applying for more senior roles. Something I’d been holding back on. This has boosted my confidence and belief in myself no end’.
Or Susie Burdekin who says:
'I’ve been able to put myself 'out there’ more and raise my profile in my industry....
If you’re a driver, you’ll know the potential danger of blind spots. If we’re not aware of them they can cause near misses, or more fatally, carnage – for you and anyone else nearby.
And that’s the thing about blind spots. We’re not always aware of them until it’s too late.
I went for years with a blind spot. It was a belief I had about who I was. I remember a friend of mine saying ‘you’re the strongest person I know’ and I took that as a compliment – and it was meant as a compliment.
But my big blind spot was that I was unable to show or articulate hurt.
I wanted to ‘stop’ feeling the ‘bad’ stuff.
I wanted it just to go away. (It doesn’t, of course, however hard we try. It just resurfaces in mainly unhelpful or self-sabotaging ‘coping’ mechanisms).
‘Be strong’ was my mantra. I’d clench my stomach muscles so tight to try not to feel ‘that feeling’.
I’ve been recording content for my Facebook group this week and one of the topics I talk about is resistors, energy vampires, mood hoovers – call them what you will.
Of course, those people are NEVER us. Are they?
Er – yes.
Or at least I was, yesterday.
I started to feel cross about ‘other people’ (no names ).
Blaming THEM for not thinking about me and ‘doing what I wanted them to do’ (I know - cringe )
This stopped me focusing on something productive and useful.
And I finished the day pretty p****d off with myself and the world.
Complete waste of time and energy.
Fortunately for me (and my poor husband) I was able to give myself a good talking to and set the intention to start today differently.
And I did.
Then, all of a sudden, those people ‘did what I wanted them to do’.
Now, I don’t consider myself a woo woo type of gal but I do believe that the type of energy we put out there comes back to us.
In my experience there are two main reasons why people don’t reach their full potential in life (whatever that means for them).
It’s rarely down to a lack of intelligence, experience or knowledge.
It is partly down to a lack of self-confidence and self-belief. (That won’t surprise you).
But it’s also a lack of ability to take specific action to start to build that confidence. (Because one of those limiting beliefs we often hold is ‘I’ll wait until I’m more confident and then I’ll do x, y or z’).
We see our lack of confidence as such a big ‘thing’ but actually it isn’t. (Only in our heads).
You can work on those beliefs and you can take small actions at the same time. The key word here is small.
You don’t have to leap out of your comfort zone all the time. You can tiptoe.
And consistency pays off.
Your confidence – with a good dose of humility - empowers others. The ripple effect that it can create is...
I’ve been noticing how much there is in my inbox about resilience, at the moment. (You’ll find my team resilience articles on LinkedIn if you’ve not seen them already).
I’m also noticing something else. How much we love to ‘be strong’ or be recognised for our ‘coping skills’ (I’m guilty as charged).
We’ve often been taught to put on a brave face or a ‘stiff upper lip’ (so British!).
‘I’m resilient’ we tell ourselves (as if resilience is a fixed state rather than something that fluctuates).
So, when someone says, ‘are you okay?’ we say ‘fine’!
But I don’t think that’s a great question right now (or ever) if we want to know the truth.
When I ask, ‘what’s going on for you’? and then shut up, I can have a deeper conversation.
So, let me ask you…. ‘what’s going on for you right now?’ because I generally care about you...