More rejection = more confidence?

rejection self-confidence Nov 22, 2019

One of the things that can deflate our self-confidence is rejection – in fact rejection is one of the things we are hard wired to fear the most.

So I was interested to read recently about Jia Jiang’s experiments and work on embracing rejection.

It got me thinking – one of the things my father always did was ask for a discount – pretty much anywhere we went. My teenage self would cringe and want the ground to swallow me up. But he got surprisingly more ‘yes, ok’s’ than you might think.

And I realise how much this helped me later in life – negotiating ridiculously low hotel room rates when I worked in the travel industry, in particular, to get the best deals for our clients.

Even now, if we’re making a big purchase (house, car) I’m the one who asks for the reduction/discount with no qualms whatsoever. It’s an area of my life where I feel very confident.

So it got me thinking about other areas in my life where I would...

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‘They’ might not like it

Last week I talked about the non-negotiable first step to take if you want more self-confidence.

I put my big girl panties on and shared my goal for January 2020.

Thank you for all the support and encouragement you gave me in your emails – it gives me energy, motivation and, yes, confidence.

I do know, though, that sometimes when we take that first step, we get kick-back, we get the nay-sayers, we get the people who undermine us, the people who say ‘you can’t do it’.

This can feel tough. It can make us wobble and doubt ourselves. It can make us retreat back to safety.

But you know what?

That says more about them than you.

If they feel threatened, that’s their problem.

Trust your own wisdom. 

I find that once you commit to something, you’re likely to make it happen. One step at a time.

So find those cheerleaders and lose the energy vampires!


P.S. If you missed last week’s article, you can find it here.

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Want more confidence? The first step is non-negotiable

I’ve learned over the years that the first step to making something happen is to simply declare your intention – to make a public commitment.

Yes it can be uncomfortable.

But public accountability is powerful.

So if there’s something you want, start by ‘putting it out there’.

And, importantly, ‘put it out there’ to people who are on your side. Who’ve got your back. Who will support you in whatever way you need (and call you out on any BS.)

My big commitment for January 2020 is to launch my online and group coaching programme.

I’ve been planning it for a while but ….. (Yep, my avoidance is linked not only to the volume of work involved but to a bit of ‘inner critic’ a bit of ‘what if….’(insert ridiculous catastrophic phrase here….)

All the usual stuff that I am sure you will recognise in your own life. (Fear of rejection is one of the most powerful fears of all).

But we have a choice....

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