When we lose the need to have all the answers and really HEAR what someone is telling us (without interrupting, analysing, justifying or judging) our personal power grows stratospherically.

And I’m talking about power WITH people not power OVER them.

Let me give you an example.

Working with a busy team in a high-tech industry recently , I noticed how one of the leaders in particular had a great capacity to hear what was being said and ‘dig deeper’ with her questions.

The others played verbal ping-pong. Now they are a great bunch of people and hugely talented. But this one leader stood out like a beacon.

She really got to understand one of the key problems in the team.

The sense of ISOLATION and LONELINESS experienced by some of the new team members. (Their words).

When we don’t listen well, we miss that very emotive language that tells us so much. So whilst everyone else talked about ‘induction policies’ this leader identified a much more powerful (and much more simple) solution...

Think about the meetings you attend.

How many people do you know who waffle on, fill the silence, finish people’s sentences, feel the need to tell everyone how smart they are (in a round-about way, of course –all that humblebragging on LinkedIn and elsewhere!)…. What about the people who stay silent, play ‘victim’ and blame others for everything?

If there’s a hint of self- recognition there, there’s an experiment I’d love you to try. It’s all about OBSERVATION (This is your FIRST STEP).
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This experiment is best done in a small meeting that you are not chairing. Ideally it would be a meeting that you attend fairly regularly.

Your role in this meeting is to watch and observe AND as we coaches like to say a lot… ‘to be curious without judgement’. The purpose is simply to tune your antennae and to practise reading the room – so that you start to notice things that would normally pass you by.

The 80/20 rule applies here.

You need to listen for 80% of the time and speak only for 20%. Here are ten ...